Huzzah!

The project I've been up too late working on this week: my attempt at a Jerod Gibson poster. Thanks to everyone who gave me an AD quote.

Also, please take the time to "like" and "follow" this blog. And if you have time, "read" it as well.

Thoughts on Super Bowl Ads, By an Eastern European

For my first post of the year, I decided to enlist the help of my roommate, Vladam. For those of you who don't know him, Vladam is from Livonia, a tiny European country which was the final member of the Eastern Bloc to end Communist rule last April. Since then, Livonia has peacefully transitioned into a democratically run landfill.

The Livonia Presidential Palace/Cardboard Heap

To help him assimilate to American culture, Vladam and I watched the most popular commercials from this years Super Bowl, and I asked for his take on them.

Ram Trucks - "God Made a Farmer"

Vladam's first impression, upon hearing the low quality audio and old farm photos, was that the commercial was from something called the Government Commune Directorate. When I told him that no such agency exists in the U.S., and it was really for pick-up trucks, he asked, "You mean is for bus for Mexicans, no? Why no Mexicans in television Polaroids?" I have to admit, he had a good point.

Budweiser - Clydesdale

Things got a bit awkward during this commercial when Vladam started crying.

"It reminds me of my horse, Peter Capitalism-Stomper. We must see this film, yeah? I am most fond of love stories." I expected him to be upset when I told him it was an ad for beer, but he happily exclaimed, "Americans venerate horses and beer too? We did win Cold War!"

Taco Bell - "Viva Young"

Vladam: "How did Mexican food scientists perfect technology to invigorate elderly so quickly? Cocoon only arrived in Livonian cinema houses this year!"

Got Milk? - "Morning Run"

When Vladam asked me what happened in this spot, I didn't know how to explain it. I still don't know how. Seriously, how would you explain this to somebody, let alone somebody from a foreign culture? I don't think Vladam would believe me if I told him that in America there are huge ad campaigns for milk, and this is a typical example.

GoDaddy.com - "Big Kiss"

I spent 20 minutes trying to convince Vladam that Go Daddy is a web hosting company, and not an escort service. He didn't believe me, and spent another 20 minutes on GoDaddy.com searching for Bar Refaeli's phone number.

Kia - "Space Babies"

Vladam was pretty let down after the Go Daddy incident, so I didn't have the heart to tell him this Kia commercial wasn't, as he thought, for a History Channel documentary on his country's space program. Apparently, the Livonian people are extremely proud of being the first nation to have sent a bear and a human infant into orbit.

Embarrassment and White Guilt

Am I a Citizen of the World, or Culturally Insensitive?

Walking past this building, I said to myself, “I’ll have to eat at this restaurant one of these nights”.

"iman.org" wasn't actually painted on the parking lot ground

Then I noticed the sign on the building: “IMAN Cultural Center”. Embarrassment and white guilt followed.

Things That Are Hard to Believe About Judge Vaughn Walker

On Wednesday, California Federal Judge Vaughn Walker ruled Proposition 8 unconstitutional. But who is Vaughn Walker? Here’s a list of the things I recently learned about Walker that are hard to believe:

• Walker is a Republican
• Walker is gay
• There is such thing as a gay Republican
• He’s not taken – Seriously ladies, why haven’t you jumped all over this guy?

What a catch

Hicks: Like Hipsters, but Without iPhones

I’m not new to destructive redneck behavior. After all, I did grow up in Lodi, California, a town know for crazy, white trash idiots, and for being the inspiration for the Creedence Clearwater Revival song “Lodi (is Full of Crazy, White Trash Idiots)”. But a yard sale I saw Friday in sophisticated Culver City really took the hillbilly cake.

The most delicious C-section ever

Some of the unsurprisingly insane things at this bazaar included:

• The man conducting all business shirtless
• His lady friend complaining as she scratched off “the worst lotto tickets in my life”
• The trailer they likely live out off
• The “yard” of said yard sale being in the parking lot of a medical marijuana dispensary
• While demonstrating the power of an aluminum bat, the gentleman hit a softball onto the freeway

Lesson learned: Instead of screening Major League players for steroids, we need to start testing them for bathtub moonshine.

Or that I met the designated hitter

for the next MLB expansion team

A Wise Tagline Once Said: Life is for Living

Don’t read the title yet, because it’s a major plot twist in this story.

Yesterday was one of my more crippling-depressiony days: I ran out of milk, bit my tongue, and found out that Law & Order had been cancelled two months ago.

“I swear”

Naturally, I decided to kill myself. So down I went to Bob’s Noose and Prescription Painkiller Shoppe, but alas, it’s closed on Wednesdays. This made me more depressed, and therefore, in a cruel twist of fate, more suicidal.

I wondered if my choice was a bit brash, so as I walked, I looked for a sign to show me I was wrong about the meaninglessness of life. At the corner, a tough gang-banger helped an old woman onto the bus; across the street, a man pulled a baby from a runaway stroller, saving it from a speeding truck; in front of me, models handed out free tickets to the blowjob booth at AdultCon. Nope, I couldn’t find a single thing to compel me to give life one more shot. Off a-suicidin’ I went.

But then, salvation appeared to me, in the form of a bus stop poster for the upcoming Zac Efron film, Charlie St. Cloud:

Specifically, salvation appeared as the tagline on this poster, “Life is for living”. Never before had I heard a mantra for existence put so elegantly. It was simple, yet, philosophically, as deep as Zac Efron’s emerald green eyes. Just four simple words: Life. Is. For. LIVING. Mind you, I have no desire to actually see Charlie St. Cloud. From everything I know about the film (see above poster), I assume it’s a cross between The Notebook and Smallville, minus Rachel McAdams and superpowers (basically, the only two things I will watch, read, or join a message board for).

I’ve spent countless hours with this picture.

But I do owe a “thank you” to Charlie St. Cloud: The Poster for giving me a new lease on life. The least everyone who reads this can do is go and buy a ticket to Charlie St. Cloud: The Movie.

Plus, Ray Liotta’s in the movie, so hopefully, it won’t be totally gay.

Totally Hottttt Pic!

I snapped a photo of this ladder naked while it was in the changing room.