Things That Are Hard to Believe About Judge Vaughn Walker

On Wednesday, California Federal Judge Vaughn Walker ruled Proposition 8 unconstitutional. But who is Vaughn Walker? Here’s a list of the things I recently learned about Walker that are hard to believe:

• Walker is a Republican
• Walker is gay
• There is such thing as a gay Republican
• He’s not taken – Seriously ladies, why haven’t you jumped all over this guy?

What a catch

Hicks: Like Hipsters, but Without iPhones

I’m not new to destructive redneck behavior. After all, I did grow up in Lodi, California, a town know for crazy, white trash idiots, and for being the inspiration for the Creedence Clearwater Revival song “Lodi (is Full of Crazy, White Trash Idiots)”. But a yard sale I saw Friday in sophisticated Culver City really took the hillbilly cake.

The most delicious C-section ever

Some of the unsurprisingly insane things at this bazaar included:

• The man conducting all business shirtless
• His lady friend complaining as she scratched off “the worst lotto tickets in my life”
• The trailer they likely live out off
• The “yard” of said yard sale being in the parking lot of a medical marijuana dispensary
• While demonstrating the power of an aluminum bat, the gentleman hit a softball onto the freeway

Lesson learned: Instead of screening Major League players for steroids, we need to start testing them for bathtub moonshine.

Or that I met the designated hitter

for the next MLB expansion team